Let's Talk
How to Have Better Conversations
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Let's Talk
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Narrated by:
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Nihal Arthanayake
About this listen
'Read this fascinating book and you'll become a better listener, a better conversationalist and better company' Adam Kay
'A brilliant book on the art of conversation' Matt Haig
'A compulsory book for these divided times' Sathnam Sanghera
'An intriguing exploration of the importance of a proper chinwag' Sara Cox
'A terrific book from a terrific broadcaster. Worryingly good'' Jeremy Vine
'An insightful, important read' Stacey Dooley
'A genuinely brilliant broadcaster' Matthew Syed
'Fascinating and thought-provoking' Jane Fallon
'Informed, open-minded, fair, astute, caring and funny' Ricky Gervais
'A grand theory of conversation' Dan Snow
'The conversation king' Laura Whitmore
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Conversations are broken.
While effective dialogue is supposed to lead to greater fulfilment in our personal and professional lives, all the scientific evidence points towards us sharing fewer interactions than previous generations. From ever decreasing face-to-face meetings to echo chambers online, we no longer have the necessary tools to talk to each other.
Nihal Arthanayake is bucking this trend.
He wants to know what it really means to have a 'great conversation' and, most importantly, how he can teach us to have better interactions in our everyday lives.
Let's Talk blends Nihal's experiences as an acclaimed interviewer with expert opinion on the secrets and psychology behind successful communication. From tracing the evolution of dialogue to discovering what lights up in the brain when we're enjoying a good discussion, Nihal speaks to conversational authorities including Lorraine Kelly, former president of Ireland Mary McAleese, Professor Tanya Byron, internationally bestselling author Johann Hari, Matthew Syed, and many more, to find out why good conversation has eroded over time and how we can fix it.
Part how-to and part manifesto, Let's Talk is Nihal's accessible, anecdotal and invigorating toolkit to having better conversations with anyone, any time.
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
©2022 Nihal Arthanayake (P)2022 Orion Publishing GroupListeners also enjoyed...
Critic reviews
"A brilliant book on the art of conversation." (Matt Haig)
"A compulsory book for these divided times." (Sathnam Sanghera)
"An intriguing exploration of the importance of a proper chinwag." (Sara Cox)
What listeners say about Let's Talk
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- J. Drew
- 07-10-24
Good manual on how to talk - and listen
- ‘Let's talk the art of better conversation’ is a book that looks at why we, as a society, have stopped listening. We have become so focused on our phones, when we should really be encouraging discourse and not just with people whose opinions we share, but also people have different backgrounds and different viewpoints, because every conversation like this can enrich, open, and change our mind. We have become like ‘moths head-butting the blue light of our mobiles’ rather than engaging in proper discourse.
- In order to have a good conversation, it's vital to be able to listen to the others and then reflect on what they said, and to have the conversation continue, rather than just two people giving monologues or being distracted by their phones which means it will take over 20 minutes for you to get back into that same state of focus in regards to listening to another person
- By having conversations, you release hormones such as oxytocin, which are so beneficial to health and well-being and reducing depression.
- It's interesting that in the state of digital connectivity that we are in the highest levels of depression and the highest levels of loneliness, which might be a symptom of more engagement in digital technology and less engagement with face-to-face, meaningful, and deep conversations and it's not the number of conversations you have, but the depth and quality to them
- We know we need to be Masters of our own destiny, and not prisoners to the technology that leaves us trapped in cages of different website. Even just by having a phone on the table and not in use means that we will have less richer conversations and draw less empathy, and more diverse and septic views than say, having just a note pad on the table, when we talk to others. We need to get rid of the phones and make sure they're not present when talking to others.
- The third part of the book looks at difficult conversations and talks to people who were involved in the Irish peace talks. They began by asking not who is has the most extreme viewpoint, but to those whom they could have a discussion and discuss with. A useful starting question was what kind of future would you like for your children? The simple question was to get people to think about the future and to ask the question what kind of future they would like for their children to make them start focusing not on the present situation, but what could be achieved in the future to give people the viewpoint and the future and a plan to get there. Once you've asked the question, what kind of future people want, you can then ask how would you get there?
- When you are having a conversation about difficult topics, most people tend to think and only see themselves as a victim and it's important in the conversation that everybody understands it. Everybody else has an issue and we need to reflect and reduce the virus that we bring to such a discussion when talking about conflict and see other people’s point of view.
- The book looks at a writer-director Deeyah Khan, who did a documentary called ‘White Right: Meeting the Enemy’ where she was an Asian, and a girl, meeting men who are racist and trying to understand their views and not only with a racist people but those who were anti-gay as well as a different colour. But as the director began to peel back the layers of hate, she realised that the people they hate the most with their upbringing, had almost been conditioned to hate by the people that surrounded them and their upbringing. The interview of the program tried to ask people who they were, when they really wanted to focus on their politics, and would push buttons to get the kind of responses that they wanted. But the person who made this documentary just kept asking them about themselves, and who they were, and why they believed the things that they did rather than focus on the politics of their beliefs, systems and ideologies. So, by constantly asking questions about their life and their children and upbringing and their parents, and a home, and the society and people they grew up with, they began to become more open to explaining the situation, and peeling back layers that revealed more and more, and became more of a shared experience.
- Arguing with people with different viewpoints on trying to give them your viewpoint will just increase and entrench each other’s personal views. But by trying to understand somebody and asking questions and building that relationship with somebody strips them of their hostility and makes it much easier to actually change someone else's mind, so it's worth having proper conversation rather than just lecturing somebody.
- The book also looks and discusses with John Sutherland, a police negotiator who has had to deal with people who might be threatening suicide or harm to others. Again, regarding being totally empathetic and trying to understand and listen but use active listening where you respond and you give feedback to what another person is saying, and by being open and feeding back what you have heard, which we should all strive for, you will get a much better conversation and discussion.
- All conversations that negotiators make begin with the phrase saying who they are and that there with the police, are here to help and then they listen to every response and it's worth checking out a transcript between Johnson and a barrister which ended badly but it's important to be calm and constantly say ‘I'm here to help’ and then to keep listening and responding to the words that others use. Someone is saying to help that difficult conversation continue to show care, listening and looking and answering questions appropriately.
- It's important to just listen and try and understand why and where people come from rather than to fix the problem. You can only do that by sharing a little bit about yourself as well as listening and speaking to develop trust and curiosity about everything to do with.
- It's worth asking people what their ideal purpose is or what they most want to achieve and it's worth knowing and asking yourself questions and thinking what the most useful questions are you'd like someone to ask you, but you couldn't ask them. Finally, it's also worth thinking that at the end of the day going through and reflecting when having conversations about what went well in a conversation and how can I do this better?
- A perfect icebreaker question is to ask somebody what would you really like to be doing right now if you weren't talking to me? What would be the one thing you would love to be doing and then from there you can start using curiosity and interest in learning something about another person?
- People have stories that they want to share with you, but it's important to ask the right questions and to probe gently, but with interest and curiosity and eventually those stories will come out and have each part of the story. Can that show that you listened and then want to you more of the story?
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Anonymous User
- 27-09-22
Let’s Talk, Let’s Listen
Absolute belter of a book!
So many key points EVERYONE can take away.
A must read!
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Overall3 out of 5 stars
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Performance3 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- arup roy
- 10-09-22
I expected better
I expected better narration from Nihal given his background as an RJ. In many places it just seems that he is rushing through it, some places it seems he is tired.
The content has its share of anecdotes, but could have been better, and the final result and learning.
I do not see myself as much of a changed person after finishing the book, probably because I was already of the opinion that open talks help. I was hoping the book would focus on how to improve on that talking and negotiating and influencing skill but it doesn't do much of that. it mainly emphasises on the need to talk.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Mr. W. Nicol
- 05-03-24
Inspiring
Nihal pulls together a cast of experts from diverse fields and ages to create a compelling case for better conservations
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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- lynnect
- 23-08-22
Everyone should read this book
This is the only book that I’ve ever read, that’s made me stop and think about my behaviour.
I constantly pick up my phone when my husband is talking up me and this book has made me stop doing it.
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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- Neil D.
- 02-02-23
Would be a 5* if Nihal had a will & POA.
Enjoyable book & an eye opener to me about my social media use, I’ve since deleted Facebook & no longer sleep next to my phone because of it. Thank you Nihal!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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- SK
- 18-05-24
Relevance
I liked that Nihal linked examples throughout history to show different types of conversation and why they are effective.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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- Dave
- 10-09-22
Great insight
Thought this would be a more technical insight into conversation but it is more an enlightenment of the author who has insight to look back and understand his success
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Overall2 out of 5 stars
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Story2 out of 5 stars
- Rebecca
- 22-12-22
Disappointingly more about history than practical examples
A lot of waffle at the beginning about history. Very different to what I thought this book was meant to be about- having difficult conversations. Yes there’s examples of it but be try far removed from practical tips in a lot of waffle and pre text.
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Overall1 out of 5 stars
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- Liz
- 23-06-23
Not worth the time spent reading it
Having read many books on this topic I was looking forward to this. but it the lacked practical steps promised in the title. instead it was mostly the author talking about himself - so much so, he came across as very narcissistic. Everything was seen in relation to himself. Tedious.
I ended up skipping through his waffle to get to the academics being interviewed. Even then not really worth the effort as much of their insight was lost in him paraphrasing the gist. The interviewees are indeed interesting and from a wide array of place - the author is very pleased about this, and there's much talk of how clever he was to choose to interview them and how their insights illuminated his career.
In the end, I skipped so much of the book to get to the nuggets - as his smugness was wearing on me - it felt like a complete the skills of these interesting people. a shame. plus a waste of my own time reading the book. all in all, less, much less, than the sum of it's parts
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