Showing results by narrator "James Carpenter" in All Categories

Getting a vasectomy these days can be a responsible social gesture, but for Hank and Chuck back in 1950s Appalachia, it’s but a boozy night’s whim and all about hating to use rubbers, leaving them unprepared for how complicated their lives are about to get because nobody told them that they would have to keep using those slimy things until they’d experienced 20 ejaculations. With malleable resolve, they work through the embarrassment of producing semen samples, counting down their ejaculations, and actually talking about sex with their partners.

Tango’s gang was a handful, but the Archon and his army, the Chosen, are more powerful than any enemy X has ever faced! Betrayed or abandoned by his allies, X must face Arcadia’s newest threat the old-fashioned way: alone!

Arcadia descends into chaos as old villains return to town and new ones are born! While X faces down suicidal psychos, superstitious mobsters, and thrill-junkie assassins, Leigh uncovers the secrets of his past . . . before he locked on his mask and became X!

When X attacks the notoriously corrupt narcotics squad known as "The Dogs of War," the manipulative Lt. Setter fights back by pitting him against the last few honest cops in Arcadia... and X's battle escalates into a war for the soul of the city!

It’s the 48th year of the Kurian Order. The alien, vampiric Kur and their avatars, the Reapers, control most of the Earth - their new feeding ground. Humanity is scattered and survives only at their new master’s whims. But the Resistance is attempting to reclaim Earth. David Valentine, member of the elite Cat spy force, is in enemy uniform aboard the aging gunboat Thunderbolt. Whispers have reached him of the discovery of a long-lost weapon in the Caribbean - the first glimmer of hope for humanity to finally defeat the Reapers.

Lou Prophet is in mixed company these days. He doesn’t mind being close to his pretty pistol-packing partner, Louisa Bonaventure. Known as the Vengeance Queen, she has his back — and dare he say it, part of his heart. But accompanying the vile outlaw Blanco Metalious back to Nugget Town to see him hang isn’t exactly Lou’s idea of a good time.

With a handful of murderous rogues, Captain Jed Foster has run off with four wagons containing new Springfield rifles, bayonets, and ammunition meant to resupply the troops at Fort Bowie in Arizona Territory. Foster plans to sell the weapons to the highest bidder — whether it’s Apaches, Mexican revolutionaries, or Confederate veterans who still dream of destroying the Union. But that’s the least of Foster’s problems.

Kidnapped from the Earth People as a child, White Ash learns the way of the Sun People as she grows into a beautiful woman. But the disturbing dreams that made her an outcast in her old tribe are becoming stronger and they foretell a frightening future of bitter cold, war and famine. When a hostile tribe massacres her adopted family, White Ash is raped and left near death, but is miraculously saved by a brave shaman...and falls in love with him. Together they set out on a dangerous journey to steal a magical object - but they soon face a ruthless enemy who wants White Ash for his own.

Kidnapped from the Earth People as a child, White Ash learns the way of the Sun People as she grows into a beautiful woman. But the disturbing dreams that made her an outcast in her old tribe are becoming stronger and they foretell a frightening future of bitter cold, war and famine. When a hostile tribe massacres her adopted family, White Ash is raped and left near death, but is miraculously saved by a brave shaman...and falls in love with him. Together they set out on a dangerous journey to steal a magical object - but they soon face a ruthless enemy who wants White Ash for his own.

Apropos is the unlikely noble whose life began in the lowest of ways: as the result of a gang assault by a group of drunken knights on a helpless tavern wench. Last time out, Apropos attempted to seize control of his own fate, and ended up with, appropriately, nothing. Time has passed since he fled the kingdom of Runcible, and Apropos leads a quiet existence as a tavern owner. All that changes abruptly, however, when the sorceress Sharee re-enters his life with the forces of the warlike Lord Bellicose hard on her heels. They want something they're convinced she has stolen.

Smoke Jensen was the last Mountain Man and the fastest gun in the west. But this time, Smoke is going to put his reputation to the test in the southern reaches of Mexico. When two Mexican Gunfighters, and old friends of Smoke Jensen, send a letter asking Smoke for help, he can't possibly say no. He quickly straps on his hog legs and heads down into the middle of a war. A crazy Mexican Bandito, that fancies himself the resurrection of Montezuma, has formed a vast and unstoppable army, and he marches across the land.

Duff MacCallister has just returned from a trip back to his native Scotland - more determined than ever to build a new future in Chugwater Valley, Wyoming. But Duff will do it his way, buying up a herd of rare Scottish black angus from the Kansas City market. He can’t know that his dream is threatened by a man driven by one desire: to take other people’s money and other people’s lives.

The damsel is in distress, or so it seems to Conrad Browning. On his way across the wide, tall Utah territory to California, the Loner meets a beautiful Mormon girl on the run from a forced wedding - and the gun-toting faithful trying to hunt her down. But there are two sides to every story - and the ones you don't hear are the ones that can get you killed. The runaway bride has a little history of her own. Soon, the Loner touches off a storm of unholy gunfire, drawing blood from an outlaw and a death sentence from a patriarch.

The son of legendary gunman Frank Morgan, Conrad Browning goes by the name Kid Morgan - the Loner - and forged a growing reputation of his own. But in the midst of a fight for his life, the Kid discovered that he too was a father: of twins he'd never met. Now, the Kid heads back east to pierce a mystery guarded by murderous criminals for hire. Why is his ex-fiancée hiding his children from him? And why is this secret worth killing to keep?

They came from the sea: a former ship captain named Owen Bird who inherited a Texas ranch from his brother.... A former pirate named “Black Terrance” Malone, who has arrived in the once peaceful Rattlesnake Valley with a crew of sea dogs to do his dirty work. And dirty work it would be, as Black Terrance begins a campaign of thieving and threatening, even targeting Bird’s beautiful young niece. Into this storm rides the Loner — Conrad Morgan, son of the legendary gunfighter Frank Morgan.

Three weeks before Christmas, the little town of Chug Water in Wyoming Territory is stunned by a brutal crime. The mayor's family has been slaughtered in cold blood on their ranch outside of Raw Hide Butte. As the townsfolk gather to pay their last respects, Duff MacCallister saddles up to go after the killers. He returns with two outlaws - a cold-blooded, nasty pair of snakes, Jesse and T. Bob Cave.

It was the kind of internet posting guaranteed to attract the attention of the American cable TV show Chasing History's Monsters: "Dog-headed men sighted by tourists in Avignon." Drawn to France to explore the myth of Saint Christopher and the cynocephalus, or the dog-headed, archaeologist and television host Annja Creed finds herself repeatedly and inexplicably targeted by vicious mercenaries. Her best defense is to trace this brutal violence back to its source, which she soon discovers to be a millionaire and self-professed descendant of King Charlemagne.

The year 1964: Life on the North Dakota farm hasn’t always been easy for Marjorie Trumaine. She has begun working as a professional indexer to help with the bills - which have only gotten worse since the accident that left her husband, Hank, blind and paralyzed. When her nearest neighbors are murdered in their beds, though, Marjorie suddenly has to deal with new and terrifying problems. Sheriff Hilo Jenkins brings her a strange amulet, found clutched in the hand of her murdered neighbor, and asks her to quietly find out what it is.

Emerging relatively unscathed from the apocalyptic rebirth of North America, Canada hides a trove of Cold War-era secret government installations known as Diefenbunkers, filled with caches of weapons, wags, and food. Ryan Cawdor and his companions agree to ride sec for a convoy headed west across the remnants of the old Trans-Canada Highway to retrieve the ultimate prize: four portable nuclear reactors. It's enough power to light up a ville for years, a bright beacon for a new tomorrow. But they have death on their trail.

Denver offers a glimpse of that very hope — a power plant, electricity, food, and freedom. But the city is caught in a civil war between two would-be leaders and their civilian armies. Challenged by both sides to do their bidding, Ryan discovers a third player in the quest to control the mile-high city — a secret enclave of White Coats with the strength and technology to pursue a twisted agenda of their own.