Showing results by author "Jeff Strand" in All Categories

Can the friend zone survive the end of the world? Missy and Kevin are friends. Just friends. They’d never actually date each other, because they’ve been friends since childhood, and that would be weird. Now it’s the apocalypse. People are leaking blood from their eyeballs and turning into homicidal oozing mutants. Fortunately, Kevin has access to an underground shelter, and he and Missy make it there in time to avoid a horrible gruesome death. But they’re trapped down there. Things are going to get weird.

Henry Lambert would rather play video games than spend time in the great outdoors - but that doesn't make him a wuss. Skinny nerd? Fine. But wuss is a little harsh. Sadly, his dad doesn't agree. Which is why Henry is being shipped off to Strongwoods Survival Camp. Strongwoods isn't exactly as advertised. It looks like the victim of a zombie apocalypse, the "camp director" is a psycho drill sergeant, and Henry's sure he saw a sign written in blood...

At any given moment, the human body contains millions of parasites. This is the story of just one. A really, really nasty one. Benjamin Wilson was having a lousy month even before the stomach pains began. He was about to turn 40. One of his students had been shot while on a homicidal meat cleaver rampage. And, shortly after the funeral, Benjamin didn't feel so good.... Now, everything is changing. His body is being affected in some very unpleasant ways.

A cheerful snack mascot who snaps under the pressure. The nightmarish effects of the most depressing holiday song of all time. A virtual-reality environment that allows you to enact your most depraved fantasies...sort of. Giant mutant cockroaches doing battle with zombies in the Old West. An unnerving discovery in the Book of Revelations. The true secret of silent comedian Buster Keaton's success. Plus a Halloween curse, a lot of psychopaths, and much more!

Seventeen authors reimagine the biblical apocalypse and all the hell that follows in 16 horrifying tales. What if the prophecies of Revelation hit today? What sort of craziness and evil would ensue? With this list of excellent authors contributing, it’s sure to be a hell of a listen!

Though Darren Rust is serving a life sentence in prison, Alex Fletcher is desperate to escape the shadow of his former best friend. Darren is a psychopath who thought he’d found somebody who would kill with him, and when he realized he was wrong, he took everything from Alex. Alex is unable to have a normal social life. Until he meets Luna Booth. Alex may not have found his soul mate, but he’s found somebody that he loves spending time with. Somebody who doesn’t mind the nightmarish skeletons in his closet. In fact, she may be too understanding. Too interested.

After a disastrous evening playing slot machines, Ethan Caustin wonders how he's going to explain his massive loss to his wife and kids. As he tries to find his way out of the casino, sick to his stomach and filled with self-loathing, he's approached by a stranger who offers a solution to his problem. It's a simple game. A 99 percent chance for him to win $10,000. In the remote chance that he loses...well, he'll be strapped into a device that shatters his left arm.

Meet George and Lou, thugs for hire. The kind of intimidating-yet-friendly guys who will break your thumbs, but be polite about it. Their latest assignment is to drive across Florida to deliver some precious cargo to a crime lord. The cargo: a man in a cage. Though Ivan seems perfectly human, they're warned that he is, in fact, a bloodthirsty werewolf.

In this dark and hilarious new adventure, Andrew has started up a private investigation business with his best friend Roger (slogan: "We Solve Weird Problems"). Since his options in life will become somewhat more limited after his wife Helen gives birth to triplets, it's his last-ditch effort to get out of being stuck with a corporate day job. One of their first clients is an attractive woman named Shirley. Keeping with the kind of luck Andrew has had his entire life, her problem is: "I think I may be a serial killer".

George and Lou used to be thugs for hire. Now they're living in a shack in Costa Rica, hiding from the crime lord who wants them dead. Their last job, to deliver him a werewolf in a cage, went...badly. But they can't hide out forever, and when they're finally captured, it seems as if George and Lou's ultimate fate will involve being doused in gasoline and set aflame. Instead, they're given a second chance. There's another werewolf out there. This time, it's Ally, a 14-year-old girl.

Dead Clown Barbecue is a collection of 29 gleefully macabre tales, seven of which were written just for this collection. There’s even a brand-new one about a ventriloquist dummy. Those things creep you out, right?

Jaunty the Clown just wants to entertain families with lighthearted slapstick antics, but people think of clowns as terrifying, nightmarish creatures who hide in closets or under beds. When Jaunty, along with his fellow performers, are fired from the circus, they're told that the world just doesn't like clowns anymore. Still, clowns have to eat. And since these clowns don't eat children, to make ends meet they're eventually forced to take a job in a popular haunted attraction, the Mountain of Terror. But millions of oversized spiders are about to invade....

Though still mourning his recent loss, George Orton is surprisingly content. He's living in a secure compound where teenaged werewolf Ally is being trained to control her animalistic tendencies, and mad science experiment Eugene has regained most of his sanity. George knows they can't stay there forever, but for now, things are pretty good. Then he receives some shocking news: People at the compound have brought his partner and best friend Lou back to life. Not as a flesh-eating zombie; he's the old Lou, as much of a wiseass as before.

Y’ALL AIN’T RIGHT is an anthology of Southern Extreme Horror stories featuring 17 of the best extreme horror authors in the genre. From gator infested swamps to the overgrown backwoods, be careful how far you venture off of the main road. And if you hear banjos… well, you better paddle faster!

Allison can break your bones with her mind, and she can't control her power. Now 45 years old, she's spent her life trying to stay away from other people. But a random encounter with a couple on the street leaves her believing that she may have done something horrible. Something unforgivable. Killer-for-hire Daxton and his girlfriend Maggie know the truth. Instead of easing Allison's anguish, they come up with a cruel plan to take advantage of it. But with Allison's abilities exposed, there may be a grisly body count very soon....

As a stay-at-home dad taking care of triplets, Andrew Mayhem's days of getting into wild adventures are over. His life is measured in diaper changes. Sleep has become an abstract concept, something oft-discussed with his wife, Helen, but rarely experienced. So, when internet celebrity explorer Percival Longshore asks Andrew and his best friend, Roger, to travel with him on a good old-fashioned treasure hunt, Andrew laughs off the idea.

Charlie Stanlon is a serial killer. A ghastly, vicious sociopath who chains women to a table in his basement and tortures them to death. He has no friends. He has no family. He despises his co-workers. His only pleasure in life is to cause pain and terror...until the day he finds an adorable Boston terrier and takes it home.

Cemetery Dance Magazine says that, "No author working today comes close to Jeff Strand's perfect mixture of comedy and terror." Gleefully Macabre Tales compiles 33 of his most twisted blends of cringe-worthy horror and ghoulish humor, with a couple of serious pieces thrown in just to mess with you.

From the madman who brought you Gleefully Macabre Tales, Dead Clown Barbecue, Everything Has Teeth, and Candy Coated Madness comes Jeff Strand’s latest and most twisted collection: Freaky Briefs.

A city where people are turning gleefully insane. Inescapable blood-sucking bugs. A serial killer who may have discovered proof of alien life. A kinky proposal to "even out" an instance of infidelity. A man whose fingernails are growing at an out of control rate. These are only a few of the stories in Jeff Strand's deranged new collection, which includes several macabre tales written just for these bloody audiobook.