AI is raising our kids, someone bottled a celebrity's bathwater into soap, and Diddy’s trial is pure madness. We connect the dots between tech, filth, and felony—with dark jokes and zero filters.

Listener discretion? Highly advised.

We’re curing baldness (you’re welcome, LeBron), breaking down the NBA Finals like we have courtside seats and PhDs in talking trash, and diving deep into Walmart’s wild compensation plans — because nothing says “late-stage capitalism” like getting a bonus for not crying in the break room. We also get real about the microscopic range of emotions men are “allowed” to have. Spoiler: it’s mostly hunger and rage. Laughs, feels, and follicle dreams await.

This week on The Carbon Footprint, we tackle the big stuff — like the new Pope (or is he just rebranded?), a 911 operator who’s had enough of your emergencies, and Warren Buffett finally deciding to retire (just in time for the market to crash, probably). Oh, and we get real about the struggle of being Puerto Rican.

Dark humor? Always. Politically correct? Never heard of her.

If you're easily offended, you're probably listening to the wrong show.

Subscribe, laugh, and lower your expectations — one carbon footprint at a time.

Some of these parents gon learn today, did Shadeur go exactly where he should have, 100 men vs 1 gorilla, and how to get a good deal on a baby.

This week, we light a candle for the Pope (RIP), but don’t worry—we immediately sprint into the world’s first sperm race. From celestial messengers to government gaslighting, we dig into the CIA's latest UFO files, all while giving the Shannon Sharpe case the side-eye it deserves. No filters, no apologies—just raw takes, bad jokes, and zero reverence.

What do extinct animals, international trade policies, and unfortunate baby faces have in common? Absolutely nothing—and that's why this episode is a wild ride. Juan and Sean debate the ethics of de-extinction, untangle the latest on tariffs without putting you to sleep (promise! maybe?), and discuss a baby so ugly, the dad thought it was impossible it was his. Buckle up!

Get these kids to work! The problems with no income tax and familiar faces leading the way in March Madness.

Captain America made a lot of headlines this week, maybe the greatest teacher of all time, where tf are the orphanages and we may never drink Henny again.