For years, I spent Christmas mourning the holidays of my childhood. Grammy and Grandpop's Christmas Day feast was a warm, loving tradition I could rely on—until it ended, as all things inevitably do. Clinging to those memories, I sabotaged my own holidays, drinking mimosas in the morning and boxed wine all day.

Sobriety taught me that while I can cherish the beautiful memories of my past, I have an even greater opportunity to create new ones. Today, I focus on building traditions with my kids, knowing that one day these moments will become their cherished memories. When that time comes, I’ll have the chance to reinvent the holidays again—perhaps for my grandchildren.

Christmas is no longer mourning what’s gone; instead I have gratitude for what was and joy in shaping what will be.

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#HolidayTraditions #SobrietyJourney #CherishedMemories #CreatingNewTraditions #FamilyFirst #GratitudeAndJoy #ChristmasInRecovery #BuildingNewMemories #HolidayReflection #SoberLiving

I read an inspiring story this morning about a woman, born blind, struggling to accept her handicap and turned to alcohol. It wasn’t until she was able to finally accept her handicap that she became open to help. She connected with others like her and before long was running her own business. It’s amazing how our potential depends on our mindset.

My self-pity and lack of acceptance seems to live somewhere between comparing myself to others and comparing myself to who I used to be. My solutions live in hope and aspiration of who I want to be.

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#SelfAcceptance #RecoveryJourney #MindsetMatters #OvercomingChallenges #HopeAndHealing #PersonalGrowth #SobrietySupport #AcceptanceIsKey #FindingSolutions #InspirationForChange

I was talking to a friend today about life changing hard stuff he’s dealing with, and he responded, “at least I have the program.” Wow! It immediately pulled me back to when I experienced the same hard stuff in my life as an active alcoholic. Back then it felt like there were no seasons, and my life was just one long cold, dark winter.

How fortunate I am to no longer be chasing that euphoric feeling only to find myself more isolated and fearful of the hard stuff in life. Today I experience the seasons, both externally and internally, trusting that there is a reason for the season. The lessons from my experiences bloom like flowers when the season changes.

How fortunate I am to have the spirit of joy that always glows inside me, like the sun, even on cold, rainy days. That sun doesn’t get effected by what’s happening around me. My joy is a state of being, always burning stable and bright if I put in the work: go to meetings, practice the principles of my program in all my affairs, and recover out loud, giving away what was so freely given to me.

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#SobrietyJourney #SeasonsOfSobriety #RecoveryIsPossible #GratitudeInRecovery #SoberLiving #MentalHealthMatters #AlcoholFreeLife #RecoveryCommunity #LifeLessons #OneDayAtATime

Listening to someone when you think they’re wrong takes an incredible amount of self-control. But here’s the fascinating part—when I shut up, don’t interrupt, and actually listen, sometimes they’re right.

I’ve always struggled to let people finish their sentences, especially when I feel like I can save them the effort by ‘course-correcting’ mid-sentence. I used to excuse myself with a laugh, saying, “Oh, sorry, I’m an interrupter,” while flashing my charming smile.

But the truth is, its rude. I’ve learned to quietly let others be ‘wrong’ long enough to finish their point. My first big lesson in this came when I had to listen to my boss being wrong. I couldn’t interrupt him because, well, he was my boss. As I sat there thinking about how much more I knew than he did, I stayed quiet—long enough for him to deliver an award-winning point that proved he was right all along. He didn’t say a word, just gave me a look that said, “Yeah, I know I’m right. This is why you pause and listen.”

Since then, I’ve been practicing this in every conversation. Sometimes I nail it, and other times I fail epically. But I’ve learned it’s not my job to course-correct others. The least I can do is respectfully let them finish and truly listen, because often what I thought was wrong turns out to be right.

This practice is letting things be as they are, “live and let live”, and acknowledging that I can’t control people, places, or things. What I can control is my reaction: staying quiet, listening, and adopting an attitude of tolerance and acceptance.

So, instead of offering the “right” answers or solutions, try asking questions. You might be surprised what you learn when you let people finish their story.

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#ActiveListening #LiveAndLetLive #CommunicationSkills #PracticingPatience #ListeningToLearn #ToleranceAndAcceptance #PersonalGrowth #SelfAwareness #LetThemFinish #LifeLessons

Today I was thinking about constructive imagination and its role in my recovery. Early on, my sober friends told me that if I didn’t have an understanding a Higher Power, I could ‘act as if.’ So, I dug deep into the pockets of my imagination and created my very own understanding. Over the past 8.5 years, that understanding has evolved into what others might call Faith. This Faith, born from willingness and imagination, keeps me sober—it saved me.

In stroke recovery, where I can’t drive or venture very far, I rely on my imagination a lot. Sipping jasmine green tea in the afternoon with three Chips Ahoy cookies, I imagine I’m in the drawing room at Buckingham Palace. On Friday nights, when I listen in to the iBlind Users Group for an audio movie on the phone with fresh popcorn and some candy, I imagine the scenes in more fantastic detail than a movie could ever create.

Imagination brings me the most comfort in grief. I imagine those I’ve lost as adjoining snowflakes to that unique understanding of my higher power that, as they bind with this grand vision, they become an ever-lasting presence in my life.

When I was drinking, I lived one-dimensionally. Now in this colorful, high-definition reality, my imagination is everything. It is the bridge to possibility, connection, and healing

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#ImaginationIsEverything #SobrietyJourney #FaithInRecovery #StrokeRecovery #HealingThroughImagination #MentalHealthMatters #RecoveryTools #GriefAndHealing #LivingInColor #NeverAlone

This morning, I dragged myself out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom just a few steps away. After taking care of business (TMI), I crawled back in bed. The clock read 6:43am, and a frown burrowed into my bottom lip knowing I only had two minutes before my alarm went off. I had to face another dreaded day of headaches, dizziness, and soreness from an hour of yoga yesterday.

I didn’t wake up excited about sobriety meetings, walking my dogs, sewing a new project, or experimenting with a made-up Persian dish. I wanted to bury myself under the covers and hide. But I got up anyway.

I was skeptical that today could hold anything good. For a moment, I didn’t care about the day, or even about myself. But life has a way of molding itself around me like clay, and when I choose to stay open and willing, it fills in with color. Openness and willingness allow me to pursue the possibilities being shaped before me.

So, I showed up for me today! My sobriety meetings got me out of self and into my role as a friend in a fellowship. Autumn found a new stuffed animal on a trail that she has claimed as her own—it awaits her on the front porch because that GRUBBY THING is not setting foot inside this house. My sewing project is complete and a perfect gift for an unsuspecting loved one. And my experimental Persian dish is DELIGHTFUL! Life was a kaleidoscope of colors today.

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#ChooseWillingness #FaceEachDay #SobrietyJourney #LifeInColor #RecoveryWins #MindfulLiving #DailyResilience #OpennessAndGrowth #SelfCareMatters #SmallVictories

I have nothing but fond memories of that ice-cold liquid in the glass, but for me, one drink is always followed by a drunk. I can’t forget my last drunk—it lasted eight months.

Life still gets lifey, and I’d be lying if I said I never romanticize the idea of having a drink to dull the pain, even temporarily. But I have a lot of "not yets" that I want to keep that way. The only way to keep those "not yets" from turning into "remember whens" is to stay away from the first drink.

This morning, I reflected on what I’m capable of as a drunk. It’s embarrassing, shameful, and much of it I don’t even remember. My mind was warped, my life was unmanageable, and I felt trapped in a life of misery.

But, amazingly enough, when I stopped drinking and put sobriety first, I became the person I always wanted to be. I wouldn’t have believed it if you’d told me then, but today, I have choices. I have freedom from obsession. Life is beautiful—simply by removing the cloak of alcohol.

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#SobrietyJourney #AlcoholFreeLife #RecoveryIsPossible #SoberLiving #FreedomFromAddiction #SoberCommunity #LifeWithoutAlcohol #SobrietySupport #OneDayAtATime #ChooseRecovery

I lived to podcast another day! There may or may not have been an outburst of crying during the VNG test, but I made it through and am overjoyed that it’s now in the rear-view mirror.

I recorded this podcast episode to share what the VNG and VEMP tests involve, providing details for anyone seeking information about what to expect during these procedures.

My tests revealed that my right peripheral vestibular system is significantly weaker (61%) than my left.

So, you’re saying it’s not all in my head, doc?!

What does this mean? It adds another layer of confusion, to be honest. My symptoms began the day I had my stroke which implies central vestibular disfunction (in the part of the brain that controls balance.) These tests imply a peripheral vestibular weakness (in the part of the ears that controls balance), specifically vestibular neuritis. Either way I’m broken, there’s no cure, and the treatment is vestibular therapy which I already tried.

Sooooo, I’m gonna go eat some grape Now and Laters…that’ll fix EVERYTHING!

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#VNGTest #VEMPTest #VestibularDisorder #StrokeRecovery #BalanceIssues #VestibularNeuritis #ChronicIllness #HealthJourney #VestibularTherapy #BrainAndEarHealth