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The Elegant Warrior with Heather Hansen

The Elegant Warrior with Heather Hansen

By: Heather Hansen
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 This is the Elegant Warrior Podcast. It's a podcast about elegance and all of its forms. We're talking about our definitions of elegance and how we maintain it in times of trial. We're also talking about how we can advocate for ourselves with elegance and in a way that makes us most likely to win. I'm your host, Heather Hansen, author, speaker, consultant, trainer, and self-advocacy expert. Let's talk Elegance!2020 The Elegant Warrior Economics Personal Development Personal Success
Episodes
  • 327: The Science of Charisma with Dr John Antonakis

    327: The Science of Charisma with Dr John Antonakis
    Jul 24 2025
    In this engaging conversation, Heather Hansen speaks with Dr. John Antonakis, a leading expert on the science of charisma. They explore the definition of charisma, its importance in leadership and influence, and how it can be learned. Dr. Antonakis shares insights from his research, including studies on the impact of charisma on performance and the role of cognitive empathy in effective communication. The discussion also touches on the potential influence of AI on charisma and the importance of genuine human connection in leadership. In this research-packed episode, you'll learn: Introduction to the Science of Charisma – Heather and Dr. John Antonakis open with a deep dive into what charisma truly is—not charm or confidence, but a learnable skill grounded in peer-reviewed science. Charisma's Measurable Impact on Performance – They explore powerful studies—including one with a robot—showing how charismatic speech alone can increase workplace performance by up to 17%. The Building Blocks of Charisma – John introduces his framework: symbols, values, and emotions, and explains how these components combine to create influence that inspires action, not just applause. The Power of Metaphor and Framing – Heather and John discuss how storytelling, metaphor, contrast, rhetorical questions, and the “rule of three” work together to create speeches that stick. Cognitive vs. Affective Empathy – The duo breaks down why cognitive empathy (understanding how others think) matters more in leadership than feeling what others feel—and why that distinction is critical for decision-making. The Myths About Body Language – John challenges the popular belief that charisma is mostly non-verbal, presenting evidence that words drive behavior far more than gestures or facial expressions. Charisma as an Equalizer – They unpack how charismatic speech can neutralize biases based on attractiveness, race, and gender, offering hope for more equitable influence in politics, business, and beyond. Artificial Intelligence and Charisma – Can AI replicate charisma? Heather and John explore the limitations of using AI to craft influence—and why doing the reps yourself still matters most. Practical Tools for Everyday Leaders – Whether you’re a parent, teacher, executive, or coach, you'll walk away with actionable techniques to become more charismatic and persuasive—based on science, not guesswork. Resources & Links: 🔗 Harvard Business Review Article – Learning Charisma 🎥 Dr. Antonakis’ TEDx Talk – Let’s Face It, Charisma Matters 📰 Newsweek Article – Dog Predicts 2024 Presidential Election Bonus Announcement: 📅 Heather's FREE Masterclass – How to Handle Being Interrupted 🗓️ August 13 at 3 PM ET ➡️ Learn how to respond to interruptions with confidence and charisma 🎁 Attend live to receive a free checklist giveaway 🔗 Register here In this episode: [00:00] Introduction to Dr. John Antonakis [03:45] Understanding Charisma's Impact [16:33] The Mechanics of Charisma [21:10] The Components of Charisma [36:53] The Role of AI in Charisma [45:43] Conclusion and Resources Connect with Heather: Register for the 8/7 training on How to Manage Interruptions here Schedule a call with Heather Follow Heather on Instagram Website Watch Episodes on Youtube Heather’s TikTok ‍ heather@elegantwarrior.com The Elegant Warrior Podcast and content posted by Heather Hansen is presented solely for general informational, educational, and entertainment purposes. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user’s own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.
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    47 mins
  • 326: When People Pleasers Aren't Pleased

    326: When People Pleasers Aren't Pleased
    Jul 17 2025
    In this episode, Heather answers a heartfelt question from a listener named Z about people-pleasing Heather breaks down the root of resentment that often comes from saying “yes” too often — and receiving “no” in return. Through relatable stories and actionable guidance, she empowers listeners to advocate for themselves with confidence and grace. In this empowering episode, you’ll learn: The Resentment Cycle of People Pleasers - Z’s question echoes a common struggle: always saying yes, only to feel hurt when others don’t return the favor. Heather explores how this dynamic creates resentment and disconnection — both at home and at work. False Consensus and Miscommunication - Heather explains the false consensus effect — the mistaken belief that others see and value things the same way we do. She emphasizes the importance of communicating needs clearly instead of assuming others "just know." From Silent Hints to Clear Requests Through the story of a high-powered client and her husband, Heather illustrates the danger of hinting instead of asking. Saying “I’d love to go to this concert” is not the same as saying, “Will you come with me?” A Better Follow-Up Question - Heather suggests asking, “What would have to change for you to say yes?” as a non-confrontational way to open conversation, gain insight, and gauge someone’s willingness. Understanding the Law of Reciprocity - Referencing Robert Cialdini’s “Influence,” Heather unpacks the psychological principle of reciprocity — and how gently reminding someone of past support (without guilt-tripping) can increase the chances of a return favor. Power Dynamics and Reciprocity - People in positions of power often feel less pressure to reciprocate. Heather highlights this dynamic and how it explains why some people — especially at work — may not return favors. Saying No as a Spiritual Lesson - In one of the episode’s most powerful insights, Heather reframes the struggle as part of your Divine Curriculum. Quoting Marianne Williamson, she suggests that learning to say no is not just practical — it’s part of your personal growth and purpose. Recap and Encouragement - Heather closes with a reminder that not everyone sees your effort. Advocate with clarity. Ask with delight. And sometimes, the greatest lesson is how to say no with confidence and self-respect. In this episode for Libsyn: [00:00] - Listener's question about being a people pleaser and handling requests without reciprocity [00:28] - Personal story about attending a Pearl Jam concert and navigating requests from others [03:18] - The importance of recognizing when others ask for things and the concept of reciprocity [04:43] - The significance of understanding what you need and asking for it effectively [06:48] - The challenge of asking for what you want without feeling guilty or selfish [08:29] - Reflection on working together and helping each other in professional settings [09:23] - Feelings of frustration and defensiveness about asking for help [12:16] - The law of reciprocity and its role in relationships and requests. [14:43] - Recognizing the importance of asking for what you need and the role of reciprocity [15:00] - The value of understanding and respecting others’ boundaries and needs [16:58] - The significance of the last piece of the reciprocity puzzle [17:23] - The divine curriculum and its relation to giving and receiving [18:53] - The importance of saying no and setting boundaries [20:00] - The value of encouraging others to say yes and the importance of mutual support [21:50] - Final thoughts on answering questions and ongoing engagement with listeners. Connect with Heather: Schedule a call with Heather Follow Heather on Instagram Website Watch Episodes on Youtube Heather’s TikTok ‍ The Elegant Warrior Podcast and content posted by Heather Hansen is presented solely for general informational, educational, and entertainment purposes. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user’s own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.
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    22 mins
  • 325: The Credible Charisma™ Framework

    325: The Credible Charisma™ Framework
    Jul 10 2025
    In this episode, Heather introduces "Credible Charisma™" as a key to becoming irreplaceable in a world where many feel replaceable due to the rise of AI and other technological advancements. She shares personal experiences and introduces a framework to help listeners cultivate this essential quality. In this insightful episode, you'll learn: The Fear of Being Replaceable: The speaker addresses the widespread anxiety of feeling replaceable, whether due to artificial intelligence, aging, or other life circumstances, and asserts that everyone is inherently irreplaceable. Credible Charisma™ as the Antidote: She introduces "Credible Charisma™" as the learnable combination of qualities that makes someone unforgettable and irreplaceable, contrasting it with the idea that being smarter, faster, or better is sufficient. The Belief Triangle for Credibility: The speaker outlines her "Belief Triangle™" framework for building credibility, emphasizing three crucial aspects: people believing you (keeping promises), believing in you (having the necessary experience and talent), and most importantly, believing you can help them (understanding their pain and problems). Lexi: An Embodiment of Credible Charisma™: Through the story of her former paralegal, Lexi, Heather shares how someone can become irreplaceable by consistently demonstrating credibility (keeping promises, possessing skills, and understanding needs) and charisma (making others feel seen, safe, and special). Debunking Charisma Myths: The speaker challenges common misconceptions about charisma, particularly the idea that it's "fluffy" or primarily non-verbal. She debunks the widely cited 93% non-verbal communication statistic, clarifying its true context. The True Nature of Charisma: Drawing on research from Dr. John Antonakis, the speaker defines true charisma as being based on "what you say and how you say it" (content and delivery), and her personal interpretation that this combination makes people feel seen, safe, and special, with safety being paramount. The Interdependence of Credibility and Charisma: She emphasizes that charisma cannot exist without credibility, stating, "You can't have charisma without credibility. Without credibility, you can't win." Building Credibility Through Stories and Evidence: The speaker introduces her "SEE Technique™" for building credibility, which involves sharing stories that resonate with others and providing evidence (like research studies) that makes people feel safe to believe. The Power of Para-verbal Communication: She highlights the importance of "para-verbal" communication (tone, pace, volume, inflection) over body language and facial expressions, asserting that it's a more significant component of charisma and reflects true belief. Credible Charisma™ as a Foundation for Resilience: The episode concludes with a powerful analogy: credibility is a "huge, solid cliff" that withstands change, and charisma is a "lighthouse resting securely on that cliff," guiding and calling people home to a place where they feel seen, safe, and special. In this episode for Libsyn: [00:09] - Introduction to Credible Charisma [01:00] - The Concept of Irreplaceability [02:14] - Personal anecdotes [04:28] - Belief triangle [07:00] - Charisma: Making People Feel Seen, Safe, and Special [08:29] - The impact of Lexi's departure and the inability to replace her, even with artificial intelligence. [09:38] - The Credible Charisma Framework™ [12:41] - Defining True Charisma (with Dr. John Antonakis) [13:48] - The Interplay of Credibility and Charisma [16:32] - Verbal, Para-verbal, and Non-verbal Communication [18:26] - Conclusion and Call to Action Connect with Heather: Schedule a call with Heather Follow Heather on Instagram Website Watch Episodes on Youtube Heather’s TikTok ‍ The Elegant Warrior Podcast and content posted by Heather Hansen is presented solely for general informational, educational, and entertainment purposes. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user’s own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.
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    20 mins
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