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Today, Dr. Gary and Barbie continue the third installment of their series, 12 Steps to Having an Affair. Today, Gary and Barbie discuss steps 7-12: Purposeful Isolating, Pleasurable Isolating, Affectionate Embracing, Passionate Embracing, Capitulation, and Acceptance. However, this series is also one of encouragement and hope! Gary and Barbie emphasize that if you’ve ever found yourself in these 12 Steps (or are there right now), it is not too late. By confession before God, with a trusted advisor, and with your spouse, you are forgiven and you can work toward restoration in your marriage.

12 Steps to Having an Affair

Week One

1. Readiness
   • Is there a readiness in your spirit or in your spouse's spirit that could lead you to a place you don’t want to go?
2. Alertness
   • Are you aware of/alert of a certain person in your circle who you find yourself drawn to who isn’t your spouse?

Week Two

1. Innocent Meeting
   • A chance encounter with someone with whom you end up mentally/emotionally/spiritually connecting. Your guard is down.
2. Intentional Meeting
   • You’re looking for this individual when you are at the same events - or you make sure to be at events where they will be present. Your heart is looking for that connection with them.
3. Public Lingering
   • Time spent together in group meetings/settings. You linger together after the meeting has concluded. People will begin to notice your attention towards each other.
4. Private Lingering
   • You lean into more risk-taking and feel the need to hide your time together.

Week Three (this episode)

1. Purposeful Isolating
   • You plan private meetings for “legitimate purposes”, i.e. if you work together, you go to their office often to ask “questions”, etc.
2. Pleasurable Isolating
   • You plan private meetings specifically for the enjoyment of the relationship.
3. Affectionate Embracing
   • You both begin to rationalize touching (hands touching, placing a hand on the arm, etc.)
4. Passionate Embracing
   • You begin to purposely engage in affectionate touching and embracing, i.e., hugging, kissing, etc.
5. Capitulation
   • You take the next step and enter into a sexual relationship.
6. Acceptance
   • Mutual consent and acceptance of affair.

Connect with the Rosbergs:

America’s Family Coaches

Meet Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg

6 Secrets to a Lasting Love

The 5 Love Needs of Men and Women

Guard Your Heart

Resources

12 Steps to An Affair PDF

Have a marriage question? Call in and leave a message: 855-ROSBERG (855-767-2374)

Books Mentioned

Temptations Men Face: Straightforward Talk on Power, Money, Affairs, Perfectionism, Insensitivity

The 5 Love Needs of Men a