Three important factors for great date: Visit us at Relate.Online

In this episode Bri and I explore our 2023 Valentine's Day date. For this date I used three important concepts that both improve experience and help increase the connection and Intimacy in the relationship. Great relationships aren't accidents, and for most of us it takes work. The first factor was connecting the date to our honeymoon period. It is during the honeymoon phase of a relationship that things come easy. Right after meeting couples want to connect and there's lots of intense emotions and passion is everywhere. For Valentine's Day I connected Bri’s love of dancing with certain songs we danced to when we first met. Later in the date I reminded her of a specific Elton John song we listened to right when we first met.

The second factor was increasing the sense of excitement. I made the transitions quick, activities varied, and she couldn't guess what I was going to do. This brought her a certain amount of anticipation. Additionally, I did not make any activity overtly sexual. Instead, I planned activities that were intimate, physical, with close proximity, and encouraged sexual tension. This was great because it kept her on her toes.

Third, one of the key challenges of a happy relationship is balancing excitement with a sense of safety. Chaotic, scary relationships are exciting - but for all the wrong reasons! Steven, Relate.Online’s director, is prone to say “the single most important factor for a couple's happiness is the woman's Trust of the man.” Apparently, this comes out of John Gottman's research. It's important to note that before this date, I was sure that our relationship was strong and secure. If you are reading this and you're trying to plan a date when your relationship is struggling, I'd suggest you share the activities with your partner first. That way they get a sense of excitement and safety.

Bonus: After the date, I tidied up, but left the balloons, mask and cards in a visible location. This gave us the benefits of Association. When Bri would see these items it would remind her of the good times. Every night for two weeks, she collected the balloons into the middle of the floor. Then when she was grumpy in the morning, she would kick them around and it would remind her of how good it was.