Finally, 1 for Mums, without putting Dads down

Thankyou! Eve has found the home balance we need, whilst keeping everyone respected and loved

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

Great book to rebalance the mental load

I particularly found the sections on common traps in thinking and how to rethink about problems really helpful. The book ( and process) isn’t about blaming men for this gender imbalance but helps to understand negative cultural thoughts as well as internal relationship dynamics.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

Profound

So sensible and wise. I'm very grateful for this book. It is so practical and thorough.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

A must have entering a relationship

great book, full of wisdom I wish I had 20+ years ago. Still not to late, will re listen to it again and this time take notes, may even go out and buy hard copy. great book.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

A Timed Message For Today's Couple.

I believe every married couple needs to buy this audio book, or the printed form of it at least. I know that this audio book primarily focuses on the bulk of family tasks falling on the woman. However there are couples out there where the man seems to be doing all the household duties as well as working. So whether you're a woman or a man please purchase this book if you are struggling with balancing your life between work and home.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

1 person found this helpful

Excellent well-researched system for domestic life

Some of the statistics showing the imbalance at home were shocking, but not altogether unsurprising, sadly. This book has made me realise feminism begins at home, with your very own partner. I'll not be cohabiting with a man unless he agrees to play the game, and as this book shows, he'll actually thank me for it.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

Decent tool for sharing tasks but conflicting

The main gripe I have with this method is how rigid the CPE part is unless the author decides that you can make exceptions. If you have a system that works for you and your partner currently, there's no way of incorporating the Fair Play method because it's so rigid.

My second gripe is that quite some cards can be entirely automated because there are tools to do this. Nobody needs to hold the card "calendar keeper" if you have a shared Google calendar. Also we have scheduled automatic bill payment, so none of us hold that card. This book can use a healthy dose of 21st century tech that's at everyone's disposal.

The author is/used to be(?) a program manager and that shows in this book. While the book is an excellent tool for visualizing the amount of work that needs to be done by both partners, it's far too rigid to be efficient. And also, it's rare in any kind of organization for a single person to be responsible for all 3 CPE components.

Example rigidity CPE: author says involve your partner in the C and P part of the CPE because they can have meaningful input or hold other, relevant cards that may be required. However, she strongly discourages involving your partner in the E (execution) part. The main reason she gives is that, because of miscommunication the E can go wrong and that will lead to conflict. Instead you're supposed to own the E part yourself or get someone else who is not your partner to do it. But wait, if you get someone else to do it for you, don't you bump into that same potential miscommunication problem?

In real life it's difficult for one person to do the entire CPE for tasks and often require help. For example, if I hold the renovation card, it's pretty easy for me to do the C and P but what if I cannot operate the circular saw while my partner can? It's strange to ask my neighbor for help or hire someone to do this.

Conclusion: my partner and I use it as a conceptual tool to divide tasks on a high level and to visualize the amount of work each of us do. However we've made our own tweaks so that the method works for us. A big part of that is involving the right person in the Execution phase of a task.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

Make me don't want children

I am in a committed long term relationship and looking to move in together so thought this would be a good read. It is, but the sheer amount of work that this book is aimed at solving is mostly because of having children. No children, then no problems to solve basically.

It's eye opening to hear how much mums struggle on daily basis. Good reminder of why I should think hard before deciding on having children.

Still entertaining to listen.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

Didn’t feel relevant to UK audience

Eve Rodsky’s narration is enjoyable and I liked the premise of the book. I found a couple of useful tidbits within the book. However, as a fairly standard British woman, I didn’t feel this book resonated with me or the experience of my girlfriends. First, Rodsky asserts that her book is for anyone of any social class. However, the emphasis of this book felt very much on women who work part time or stay at home, with lip service to those who work full time or who have partners who work part time. This is not my experience in the UK where most women in my circle of mums work at least 30 hours a week.

Further, her portrayal of the “standard” guy is patronising and again, doesn’t relate to my experience or the experiences of my friends. This book falls into the “aaaw useless man” trope too much. The idea of “success” is a man who does more around the house, but starts at such a low bar that I’m surprised the book doesn’t come with a star chart to reward the Good Boys who agree to pick up their socks. This means that the emphasis for making the changes seems to fall, once again, to women… it’s our job to re-educate our well-meaning but simple menfolk to use the Fair Play method. I just don’t buy this, and I can’t think of many British men who would appreciate being spoken down to in this way.

Fundamentally, I don’t think this is a bad book, but I don’t think it translates across the pond.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

disappointing and full of mixed messages

I really wanted to like this book and I really am behind the principles but the hectoring tone of the author rather started to get me down and constant mixed messages were really troubling. Apparently, we are all aiming for equality but equality, in this case, means as long as men take on 21% of the cards. Really?

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

2 people found this helpful